dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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