She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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