Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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