How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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