you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
