fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
