I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
