When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
