I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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