HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
