in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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