Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
