i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
