why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
