Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
