I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
