U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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