Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
