I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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