I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
