im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
