dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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