Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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