My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
