I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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