I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
