He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
