I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
