did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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