i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
