I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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