ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
