Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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