I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
