Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
