Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
