Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
