Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
