Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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