I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
