She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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