Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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