just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
