I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
