i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
