things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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