when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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