I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
