I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
