I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
two words: eviction party
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
