Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
