the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
