We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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