I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
