I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
